Smiles and laughs

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I know it’s a long time since I last wrote and I’m not sure if people even read these anymore, but I needed to write something. It’s a long time since I’ve been so mad at the world. I’m only 16 and I don’t understand the world. I thought I did, but now I’m positive that the world we live in is disturbed.

I have three friends. Three very close friends, but they’re not just my close friends or best friends they are my family and when something happens to them. I’ll do anything to make it better, but this time I can’t do anything about it. My one friend got some very terrible news a week ago, news that would make you stop laughing for years, but this girl she smiles and laughs and I know that some would say the person is in denial, but for me it seems like she’s choosing to fight. Not only fight the bad thing, but fight the feeling of being sad. Every smile and every laugh is a fight and she keeps winning them. Every time I saw laugh or smile this week I admired her. As I wrote in my post about beauty for me it’s when a person is fighting against the darkness and the sadness that keep trying to invade their life and that’s what my friend is doing. She’s fighting against what normally would eat up a person. She smiles and laughs and it’s so amazing to watch. I’m not sure how I would react if I was in her situation, but she’s an inspiration. Seeing her smile you can see the battle behind it and that makes it the most beautiful smile you can ever see. She doesn’t see herself as strong, but that’s what it takes and normally when you fight somewhere in the future there will be victory. So even though I’m not sure I even believe in God I believe in something bigger someone who listens and today and tomorrow everyday until victory I’ll pray for this amazing strong girl who should get a victory medal for winning everyday over the sadness in her fighting against her. I hope some of you will pray for this girl you never met. Pray for her to keep winning, because I know she can. I’ll pray for my family. If she’s strong – I’m strong.

Love you.

“For being beautiful, amazing and one hell of a fighter”

– Amy

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Fine.

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I’m fine, we’re all fine, everybody is fine…

“Are you okay?” “yea I’m fine” – what do you mean by that?. Are you REALLY fine or a you actually horrible and your world is falling a part. It’s hard to know. I personally have a habit for running for my problems and I do by telling myself that I’m fine. The guy I’m seeing is also seeing someone else – you know what I’m fine, I’ll survive.

Have you heard of a panic attack? I had one last year. I remember that I couldn’t breath. I felt like my lungs where getting smaller and that I couldn’t breath probably. At the moment I didn’t know why I couldn’t breath, but thinking back at it. It makes sense that my world were falling down and a part. 4 years of pain and problems finally hit me, but instead of dealing with the problems when they came I was keeping them inside. So all the pain came down at ones.

For 4 years I said to others “I’m fine” so many times that I start believing it.

Meredith: I’m fine.                                                                                                                                                                            Alex: You said that word so many times today, it doesn’t even sound like a word anymore

Derek: How is Meredith, anyway?
Cristina: Fine.
Derek: She’s always fine. That’s her problem.
Cristina: We’re fine people. We do fine. We’re fine.

I wondered over this topic when I saw an episode in Grey’s anatomy, so these quotes or dialog’s is from different episodes. They describe what I want to say about this. I learned that it’s healthy to face your problems because avoiding them only makes it worse. I’m still working on it though. Sometimes it feels harder to face the problem then to avoid it, but it helps in the end.

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Soulmate or soulmates?

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Do you think we have more than one soul mate. I mean is there one or two or ever more persons who you just don’t love, but who is your soulmate. We always hear that life is about finding that one person. But I don’t think so anymore. I know you can find a person you’ll love forever, but then doesn’t you miss the fun of finding the person. You hear often that a couple met in high school and had been together ever since. They didn’t have to look anymore because they found their soulmate. The bigger question is how do you know if the person is your soulmate and what is soulmate.

So I looked the word soulmate up and it’s a person you have deep feelings for that you can explain. Feeling you can’t set words on. For me that sound amazing. It almost sound like a fairytale. And when you find the person who can’t be explain, but it doesn’t work between you. does that mean they you aren’t soulmates? personally I think you can move on from on soulmate and find a new one. It isn’t only one person it’s more. I don’t think there is a number because when you know a person and you have deep feelings for the person. You make the person your soulmate. It’s not just a feeling you get when you walk past the person. If you feel you can make the person you soulmate and because you can do that. You can also lose the person. It doesn’t make sense, but maybe it will. I don’t know.
Somehow I hope you know when to make the person your soulmate and on the other hand I hope not. I mean life should be an adventure. And part of life is getting hurt, so when you find the person don’t be afraid even though it can go wrong.

 

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sadness

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I hate crying and like everybody else I HATE being sad. But why? I mean do we really have to cry and be sad. I just can’t see why we have to feel bad I mean everybody deserve happiness. I know it sound strange, but I never cried – I didn’t cry over him, her and the other her and oh yea the third her and no I’m not into girls. It’s some  ex best friends and well it didn’t end very well…I never cried and isn’t that strange I mean. Shouldn’t I cry isn’t that normal to cry when something bad happens to you???? I feel like crying is overrated. I don’t think I can say it’s overrated because I always cries in movies and tv shows and I don’t know why. It’s not normal not to cry when you lose someone and cry when something happens in movies and tv shows. I think I’m ignoring that feeling. I never cry anymore….

Enough about crying it’s depressing. Back to sadness. What it is? I know that it comes when something happens or when you lose someone. I don’t think that the only reason I mean sadness comes with happiness. A person can’t be happy all the time. I don’t think it would be good if you just was happy. I think you grow of sadness. You involve because of it. You learn to deal with it and live with it.

I think that sadness and happiness follow each others. When you sad it follows with happiness!

 

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The Bad guy vs The Good guy

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Twilight, the vampire diaries, gossip girl, the phantom of the opera. they are names on movies where girls always fall in love with the bad guy and we fall in love with them. Det bad ones. They can be cruel and mean, but they have something that the good guy don’t have. We want excitement in life. We want to take a change..CARPE DIEM….Right? isn’t it a little strange that even though we don’t want to admit it ex. the phantom he kills and kidnaps but still I personally takes his side and I cry every time I see the movie because I don’t understand why she doesn’t choose him. He has something. He is dark and bad and in the movie she is drawn by it. in love never dies they tell you that she choose him for a night and she keeps coming back. You would say she’s stupid. She got the man of any women dream. A man who takes care of you and your family, but that isn’t always enough. I mean would he die for you. You can be a 100% sure that the phantom would die for you because he loves you more than he can describe. Why think we seek love, but we really seek “the epic love” the love that you can run from.

 

The epic love is a very interesting thing because it can be an epic love if you really feel it and it doesn’t matter who the person is and isn’t it just a teenage dream to end up the protective and bad guy. I mean in the real world isn’t it like that. An epic love can be with anybody and often we end up with the good guy and the better guy. That isn’t bad right? does it really matter if the guy is bad or good. If it’s an epic love then it’s an epic love. No matter what you shouldn’t run from it. every girl have dreams but most of the times you don’t end up with your dream you end up with something better!! That is what epic love is about something that is good for you.

 

So personally I think that every girl is drawn by the bad guy in movies and in television, but also in real love. It’s kind of one humans disabilities. why always need to choose the wrong one and make mistakes, but in the end we end up with the great guy. not the better or the bad guy, but the great and amazing guy! That is the most important think and I think that everybody needs to find out what the great guy. Right now the only experience I have is with bad guy, but that isn’t any mystic over that. he was more the wrong guy then the bad guy.

 

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I’m so…..

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Jesus I’m so stupid!! So I was running a little late this morning because I was sleeping to long.
When I was almost done with all the stuff I do in the morning I went upstairs to get me phone and on my way down I fell on the stairs because of my stupid shoes. Now I’m laying in my bed with ice on my back and feeling sorry for my self.

Just a normal day…

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Long time no see

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So I just caught my self talking to my self. That was when I realised that I really should write to you. I feel bad ’cause I haven’t written for so many weeks that I can’t even count them. My life is so stressed and I’m actually considering dyeing because of all the homework. It’s harder being in 9th grade then I imagined. I just like writing to you guys. it’s my way to put all my thought out of my head which is so freaking awesome. And yes I did just said freaking instead of cursing, I’m trying not to curse anymore. I’m 15 now and I feel like I should grow up!!

Well I’m back sweet honey’s!!!!

XO Amy 🙂

Savages

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uh it was a little bit scary, but it was also good maybe a little wired. I saw the movie because Blake Lively is in it actually you can say she is in the middle. The movie is about to friends who works with weed and they are just living life where the split this girl that they both are in love with (Blake Lively Serena from Gossip girl). Suddenly she gets kidnapped and the boys do anything to get her back and it was really good actually. Ben who is one of the main roles played by Aaron Johnson who also plays John Lennon in Nowhere boy who I just wrote about and I didn’t even know.

So if your to a good action movie which somehow is a little wired then you should defiantly see. I thought it was good normally I’m to movies like this one, but there was something about it. It has some really disgusting scenes, but well it was fine. Plus you really get a big surprise in the end!

Here is a link to the movie: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1615065/

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Nowhere boy

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I’m so f***ing happy that I found this movie. It was funny, dramatic and it was history! I’m not talking about the boring history but this is what changed the world in the last 50s and early 60s..The beatles!!!! This movie is about John Lennon who started the band ’cause he was inspired by his mother and by Elvis Presley, but it isn’t just about his band. It’s about his life how hard he lived. For me it explained the mystery behind the beatles because for me they was always a part of history not just music history, but the real big thing. It was always fun to see how they lived and how they was back then. In some way I wished I’ve been there because they really started something big. It was also funny to see how they all find each other. it was specially funny for me to see paul McCartney find his was in because I really like his music.

I was never a big fan of the beatles, but that didn’t stop me for seeing the movie because like I wrote before it’s not just about that. The movie was one of the most amazing movies I’ve ever seen and I laughed and I cried, but the movie can maybe boring to some but to me it was more than amazing. I loved it…

Ps. The actor who plays John Lennon is really hot and cute at the same time. He looks amazing!!!

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An education

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wow this movie really surprised me. I may have seen it before but there was something really amazing about it. The movie is about a young girl who studies to go to Oxford, but then she meets this guy who is much older than she and he shows her another way of life. She has so much fun and her dream comes true, but when life is the best everything goes bad. she drops out of school because she things she can get a better future, but as the title sais she gets an education.

The big question is what the title means. I don’t think it’s so direct. She gets a life experience and a life education. I think the movie takes place maybe in the 50s or 60s  where not many women got an education ’cause they married rich instead, but some women began thinking that they could take care of them self. For many this time was grey and it’s about living life and finding your self. Jenny which is the girl’s name has a peak of a fresh and new world, but is that world really as amazing as it seems?

 

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