I won’t be writing on this blog anymore since I am in a whole new stage of life and this is blog doesn’t really fit anymore. The new blog is called Transformation Begins and is based on this past year of life and the experiences of mental illness, therapy and especially anxiety. It is somewhat of course also based on life as this blog.
https://transformationbegin.wordpress.com
I hope you’ll have a look and be as open to it and interested as you’ve been on this blog.
Hope to see you soon
Amy
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My journey to India
After flying for 6 hours than three more hours with only a pit stop in Dubai, we arrived at Mumbai airport. We had been up almost 24 hours with an hour or so of sleep. I knew it was hot in Mumbai in the start of January, but the feeling of stepping outside after being locked inside for hours of air-conditioning the warmth hits you. I remember stepping outside of the airport, just staring at the sun like it was an old friend. To come from minus degrees to something in the late 20 something degrees was indescribable, but then it hit me. This wasn’t over 3 or so hours left. Isolated with only my classmates by my side we stepped into the warm bus that unexpectedly will become our second home the next nine days. One of our teachers had preached and preached about keeping awake to see the incredible city of Mumbai, but after just 20 minutes of driving my eyes slowly closed and I felt into a welcomes slumber.
Our first clash with civilization was when made a pie and snack break halfway through. We had been warned before we left that people were going to stare, and that was normal, but, well I thought they had been execrating, boy! They were not. They stared – not smoothly like we usually do when we watch others – no it was the “stop working and drop everything in your hands” stare. Interesting way to be welcomed into a country, but we survived. The road trip went on until we finally! arrived in Pune with approximately 3,1 million citizens. We were told we were going to live in the wealthy part of town, but through our time in India I realized that they didn’t have poor and rich places at least not literally. You could walk past a family living on the street and look to your left and find a black gate leading into a high-security building. Coming from a little country like Denmark where you don’t have that kind of property; It was shocking, but I quickly learned that being doesn’t mean you’re unhappy.
We had settled into the hotel and had a good night sleep; we were up next morning heading for one of our sisters school in Pune. This I had looked forward to, seeing how the school system worked. After having a very bumpy ride, we arrived at the school. It was still January, so the sun was slow to rise meaning it actually was somewhat cold, but when we mean cold in Pune, we mean a few goosebumps though we still wear shorts for the boys and t-shirts for the girls. The children, on the other hand, wearing jackets and sweaters. They stood in rows military style with their teachers in front though children being children they still played around with each other. They stared but this time, it was different, they stared in awe. When you walked past them, you could hear the girls giggle.
Being on this school reminded me of a quote I found by Barack Obama himself;
“Children are the living messages we send to a time we will not see.”
I’ve always heard that one day shortly India will become the next superpower or, at least, the next huge economy. They are going to push America of their pedestal and take it for themselves, but though I do think they have a long way to go, seeing those kids though made me wonder if a nation needed something or someone to safe it or move it up in the world – it would have to be the next generation of bright minds. Young, brilliant minds that can compete but also work with each other. In my country, my generation is called the “lost generation” Nasty term I know, shouldn’t the next generation be the golden generation if we want a bright future? These kids are just that; the bright generation. Give the power to the children and they’ll give it back one day, give the love to the children at they’ll give it back someday.
But these kids didn’t know this, of course. Instead, they worked hard, and I’m sure they loved coming there anymore because you learn to appreciate something when there are so many others that don’t have it. I think that was the beauty of this experience; that they didn’t know they were may save their country someday. I’m not sure if it was just because they were showing off or because they actually mean it, but the kids at that school smiled and loved being there compared to a lot of children around the world who hate going to school. They also need to fight more and work harder to get what they want compared to my country were education’s free, and it’s so much easier to slack through the system.
In Denmark, you start in school at the age of six years old without any form of real ground education, but at this school kids down to the age of four were in school. They were creatively learning to count by playing with different buttons and putting them into small formation either creating a smiley or just a mere snake. You would think they were robbed of their childhood of playing around, but they weren’t. The picture above shows a group of kids on roller skates talking better English than I do. Just because they learned it from a young age.
I was deeply inspired by this visit to Vidya Valley School and loved seeing how their system worked compared to ours. They seemed to have found a good balance between fun and discipline plus all of the kids worked to be creative and innovative which is a well-known future for India. Young entrepreneurs looking to make it int he world.
The last picture I have is of a group of girls that always laughed and giggled behind and finally they asked for a picture. We took pictures with them and of them. I’ll never forget these girls and their free spirits.
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I know it’s a long time since I last wrote and I’m not sure if people even read these anymore, but I needed to write something. It’s a long time since I’ve been so mad at the world. I’m only 16 and I don’t understand the world. I thought I did, but now I’m positive that the world we live in is disturbed.
I have three friends. Three very close friends, but they’re not just my close friends or best friends they are my family and when something happens to them. I’ll do anything to make it better, but this time I can’t do anything about it. My one friend got some very terrible news a week ago, news that would make you stop laughing for years, but this girl she smiles and laughs and I know that some would say the person is in denial, but for me it seems like she’s choosing to fight. Not only fight the bad thing, but fight the feeling of being sad. Every smile and every laugh is a fight and she keeps winning them. Every time I saw laugh or smile this week I admired her. As I wrote in my post about beauty for me it’s when a person is fighting against the darkness and the sadness that keep trying to invade their life and that’s what my friend is doing. She’s fighting against what normally would eat up a person. She smiles and laughs and it’s so amazing to watch. I’m not sure how I would react if I was in her situation, but she’s an inspiration. Seeing her smile you can see the battle behind it and that makes it the most beautiful smile you can ever see. She doesn’t see herself as strong, but that’s what it takes and normally when you fight somewhere in the future there will be victory. So even though I’m not sure I even believe in God I believe in something bigger someone who listens and today and tomorrow everyday until victory I’ll pray for this amazing strong girl who should get a victory medal for winning everyday over the sadness in her fighting against her. I hope some of you will pray for this girl you never met. Pray for her to keep winning, because I know she can. I’ll pray for my family. If she’s strong – I’m strong.
Love you.
“For being beautiful, amazing and one hell of a fighter”
– Amy
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I’m fine, we’re all fine, everybody is fine…
“Are you okay?” “yea I’m fine” – what do you mean by that?. Are you REALLY fine or a you actually horrible and your world is falling a part. It’s hard to know. I personally have a habit for running for my problems and I do by telling myself that I’m fine. The guy I’m seeing is also seeing someone else – you know what I’m fine, I’ll survive.
Have you heard of a panic attack? I had one last year. I remember that I couldn’t breath. I felt like my lungs where getting smaller and that I couldn’t breath probably. At the moment I didn’t know why I couldn’t breath, but thinking back at it. It makes sense that my world were falling down and a part. 4 years of pain and problems finally hit me, but instead of dealing with the problems when they came I was keeping them inside. So all the pain came down at ones.
For 4 years I said to others “I’m fine” so many times that I start believing it.
Meredith: I’m fine. Alex: You said that word so many times today, it doesn’t even sound like a word anymore
Derek: How is Meredith, anyway?
Cristina: Fine.
Derek: She’s always fine. That’s her problem.
Cristina: We’re fine people. We do fine. We’re fine.
I wondered over this topic when I saw an episode in Grey’s anatomy, so these quotes or dialog’s is from different episodes. They describe what I want to say about this. I learned that it’s healthy to face your problems because avoiding them only makes it worse. I’m still working on it though. Sometimes it feels harder to face the problem then to avoid it, but it helps in the end.
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I lost a friend of the family some weeks ago and it made me wonder..What is death, is there a life after death, should we be afraid of death etc..
I never really believed in heaven. It just seemed unreal that on the clouds there would be golden doors and a man on a big chair who took care of all his children. When I was little I had this idea because of a book I read that an angel would come down to get you while you watched your funeral. The beautiful angel would bring you up to this big golden door. On the other side of the door you could walk on the clouds and look down on the people you hold most dear. You would take care of them. So when I asked my dad where my granddad where he said he was dead and I imagined him laying on the clouds looking down on me. I still like the idea, but now that I’m older it’s hard for me to imagine. I think my head is trying to convince me that is not possible and my heart is trying to say that it doesn’t matter if it’s possible if I believe it then it’s real for me. After life for me is a fantasy something I want to believe in. I think that’s why when people ask if I believe in God I always say yes to get them a short answer. I believe in the after life because it gives me peace. Peace with death – did you ever hear about the term. I know I have, but what I don’t understand is how do you prepare yourself to die, how do you make peace with death? Death is scary and dark, but mostly just silent. I think it’s different for the way you die: When you’re old surrounded by family or when you die suddenly without saying to the people around you that you love them. I understand when your old that you just want peace, but death isn’t always peace it it’s also cold and lonely. When someone die I always think it’s sad no matter when happens, because in my world the person just vanish and whats left is only the persons memory. He/her leaves their love ones and there is nothing and emptiness.
No one is promised tomorrow. The only thing we can count on is today..
Most frightning thing about death is that it can happen any minute. You never know when you no longer is going be here. So you have to live everyday to fullest, but I mean not many does that. They live like they have forever. They never ask the cute girl on a date at work or take that job they always wanted, but needed to ask for. It’s hard to live like it’s the last day, because not many takes chances. It’s about taking the moment to get a happier life. Yolo – You only live ones! or Carpe diem. So cliché terms that you thing they are stupid, but true.
I don’t know if any one you ever watched Supernatural, but in the tv-show death appears as person. I wise person who have to follow faith. An old, but powerful man. Who have seen worse that what we can imagine who are tired of human killing human when we should live our life in happiness. A man who seen all the wars and killing and who just stood be at the sideline and watch us kill ourselves because we couldn’t talk about it or because we seek power. I know it seems a little strange, but I kind of like the idea of an old man with a cute assistant coming to you and telling you to let go. A man who knows more about life than a person who has lived.
I don’t know about death. I mean nobody does. We have our theories, but what we all agree on is that we want to make death safer and maybe okay. I personally just want it to be peaceful and defiantly not realistic. For me it has to be supernatural their most be something more than just emptiness when you die.
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Barbie the ideal woman. From child her body and face are planted into our memories. She is perfect! Maybe a little to perfect, but that doesn’t matter. You are little you wanna be a princess, a fairy, a woman yes even a mermaid. It’s all hunting your and my mind. I want to be perfect without mistakes and bad hair days. I still want that, but now I know perfection is a different thing. Perfection doesn’t exist. It’s not natural – it’s a dream!
The thing is that there isn’t a perfect woman or an ideal woman. You don’t have to look a certain way, because what would that look like? Barbie? I don’t think so – That isn’t beauty. Beauty is when you have your own way of being beautiful.
So if isn’t Barbie then it’s the models in the magazines who are so unreal. Perfection is a fantasy that doesn’t exist. Beauty can be in so many ways.
Imperfection is perfect to me. I know cliche, but true. For me beauty is when you are confident in yourself and be special. Beauty isen’t being hot or cute. It’s something very special and unique. If you think you are beautiful then you are. It’s not important if anyone else think you are beautiful. It’s only yourself you have to convince!
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I know I’ve been away and I haven’t updated but I have a big favor to ask of my lovely followers. This week I’m doing a project at my school and we have about the globalized world. So my friend and I made some question for you and I would meen a lot if you used a minute to answer.
Thanks it would so much!!
https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/B6SSQQD
– Amy
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I went in to see it with three friends and I have never been so nervous. I had no idea if it was good or bad. The only think I knew was that catching fire for the first time I’ve heard about got better reviews than the first. I mean number two is always bad compared to the first one, but not catching fire. It was amazing. It was so exciting. it’s about a month ago maybe i saw and the first thing I do when I come home is to buy it. It was so freaking good i mean wow. If you haven’t seen the first one and because of that didn’t think you could see the second. It doesn’t matter hurry up to see the first one because the go together not that you wouldn’t understand catching fire without seeing the first one, but it just gets better if you see the first one.
I see a lot of movies and this was the movie of year. It had everything a movie should have; excitement, humor, love and a surprising end. It was so good and I’m almost done with mockingly which is the last book. And now Im freaking out, now I really need to see the final movie. Lets just say that it’s a good movie. I really mean see it, it doesn’t matter your age or sex just see it!!!!!
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Do you think we have more than one soul mate. I mean is there one or two or ever more persons who you just don’t love, but who is your soulmate. We always hear that life is about finding that one person. But I don’t think so anymore. I know you can find a person you’ll love forever, but then doesn’t you miss the fun of finding the person. You hear often that a couple met in high school and had been together ever since. They didn’t have to look anymore because they found their soulmate. The bigger question is how do you know if the person is your soulmate and what is soulmate.
So I looked the word soulmate up and it’s a person you have deep feelings for that you can explain. Feeling you can’t set words on. For me that sound amazing. It almost sound like a fairytale. And when you find the person who can’t be explain, but it doesn’t work between you. does that mean they you aren’t soulmates? personally I think you can move on from on soulmate and find a new one. It isn’t only one person it’s more. I don’t think there is a number because when you know a person and you have deep feelings for the person. You make the person your soulmate. It’s not just a feeling you get when you walk past the person. If you feel you can make the person you soulmate and because you can do that. You can also lose the person. It doesn’t make sense, but maybe it will. I don’t know.
Somehow I hope you know when to make the person your soulmate and on the other hand I hope not. I mean life should be an adventure. And part of life is getting hurt, so when you find the person don’t be afraid even though it can go wrong.
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I hate crying and like everybody else I HATE being sad. But why? I mean do we really have to cry and be sad. I just can’t see why we have to feel bad I mean everybody deserve happiness. I know it sound strange, but I never cried – I didn’t cry over him, her and the other her and oh yea the third her and no I’m not into girls. It’s some ex best friends and well it didn’t end very well…I never cried and isn’t that strange I mean. Shouldn’t I cry isn’t that normal to cry when something bad happens to you???? I feel like crying is overrated. I don’t think I can say it’s overrated because I always cries in movies and tv shows and I don’t know why. It’s not normal not to cry when you lose someone and cry when something happens in movies and tv shows. I think I’m ignoring that feeling. I never cry anymore….
Enough about crying it’s depressing. Back to sadness. What it is? I know that it comes when something happens or when you lose someone. I don’t think that the only reason I mean sadness comes with happiness. A person can’t be happy all the time. I don’t think it would be good if you just was happy. I think you grow of sadness. You involve because of it. You learn to deal with it and live with it.
I think that sadness and happiness follow each others. When you sad it follows with happiness!
By The Way 